Woman Doesn’t Find Attraction to Vampires

TNS News Service

Atchison
“This is a problem- I mean, isn't trust the foundation of a marriage? When you're constantly wondering if your boyfriend is going to consume you, it destroys that trust.”

With these words, Claudia Montmorency expressed a distaste towards vampires, a species that thousands of women are starting to find attractive. The only person to declare that she has not found vampires attractive, according to Report 1011, had this further to say of her distrust of vampires: “…I really don't understand the appeal. The thought of imminent danger looming in the back of my mind at all times would make it difficult for me to relax and enjoy his company- you never know when he's being nice to you, or when he's trying to trick you so that he can eat you. You'd be better off if you dated Chuck Norris.”

In an interview with TNS, Claudia Montmorency expounded on her aversion toward vampires which she explicitly stressed in the answers to the survey which became known as Report 1011, published by the research society known as the Biological Undertaker of New Kinds of Environmental Research, or BUNKER.

When asked about the vampires attractive looks, Miss Montmorency had this to say:

“While their magnificence is magnificent to behold, a couple of things keep me stranded. The perfection of their white teeth makes them shiny- when I look at their shiny teeth, I am reminded of their canines, and their thirst for my blood. Another efficient strategy is to close your eyes in their presence. Even if you don't do that, NEVER look directly into THEIR eyes! I have become more and more convinced that 90% of the attraction women feel when they look at them is due to their smouldering eyes- look away! If they ask what you are doing, all you have to say is that you are meditating on the depth of their words. It's not like they can read your mind.”

She added, “And by the way, isn't that another reason to dislike them? It seems more like they are putting a spell on you with their glittery good looks, rather than that you are falling in love with them. It makes me a little uneasy- and suspicious. That's why you should never date "attractive" guys”

In the report, many women expressed a favorable view of vampires because they have to exert more self control than their human, male counterparts. Miss Montmorency commented on this point, also.

“I do admire the vampires who follow the no-human diet and struggle so valiantly to preserve our safety (I am very grateful for this, I assure you) , this does not make them better than men. Actually, it seems a little ridiculous- how long are you going to tempt fate? If I had an overwhelming desire to slay YOU, you probably wouldn't want me around very much.”

“I guess what I'm saying is, they're finicky guys and all, and it's certainly noble- but if you really care for them, you'll avoid them to make it easier for them.”

Vampires, according to Report 1011, have been reported to have superhuman capabilities, such as strength, beauty, and even strong tendencies towards psychological mood swings and erratic behavior. Many girls have reported to love vampires for these superhuman capabilities. Miss Montmorency, on the other hand, does not.

“Loving a vampire for his moods swings?!?! I don't understand who they CAN appeal to. 'He's hot then he's cold, he's yes, then he's no. He's in, then he's out, he's up, then he's down. He's wrong when it's right, he's black and it's white...'" Then, composing herself from her dancing episode, Claudia said, "I want a little predictability!”

Many women do not agree with Miss Montmorency, however. One woman has expressed that she thought it was the vampires mood swings that gave them sort of an appeal.

“Just because vampires are a little unstable, does not mean that they lose their charm and their handsomeness.”

However, Miss Montmorency feels that a true relationship can not be fostered on this type of distrust.

“There's already no hope in the correlation, you never know when he loves you for your body, or for a snack, he's already potentially putting a spell on you with his fantastic good looks- and you can't even rely on a consistent mood! It's like bathing a baby in gravy!”

Like the researchers at the BUNKER, Miss Montmorency expressed a hope that this would enlighten people as to the dangers of falling in love with vampires.

“Hopefully this helps with your research, and my thoughts will open women's eyes to the dangers of vampiric romance. And I also hope that it brings peace on earth, as well as ends global hunger.”

To see the full transcript of the article click here

© 2008 TNS News Service