TRANSCRIPT: Interview with Claudia Montmorency

TNS News Service

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The Transcript of the TNS Interview with Miss Claudia Montmorency, the only woman interviewed in BUNKER Report 1011 who displayed a distaste for vampires.

TNS: Why do you not have romantic feelings for vampires?

CM: Well, I really don't understand the appeal. The thought of imminent danger looming in the back of my mind at all times would make it difficult for me to relax and enjoy his company- you never know when he's being nice to you, or when he's trying to trick you so that he can eat you. This is a problem- I mean, isn't trust the foundation of a relationship? When you're constantly wondering if your boyfriend is going to eat you, it destroys that trust. Plus, they're too perfect. What woman wants to be with a man who is more pretty than she is?


TNS: Does it bother you that vampires have the strength to kill you with one touch?

CM: Absolutely. If it is an effort for him to use normal, non-lethal strength, then every moment I am with him is like playing Russian Roulette. Sooner or later, he'll forget, or slip up, and maybe that bear hug will become fatal. Maybe that innocent gesture as he tries to hold my hand will result in actually crushing every bone IN my hand. This is definitely not cool.


TNS: How are you able to withstand their beauty?

CM: This is a good question. While their beauty is magnificent to behold, a couple of things keep me grounded. The perfection of their white teeth makes them shiny- when I look at their shiny teeth, I am reminded of their canines, and their thirst for my blood. Another efficient strategy is to close your eyes in their presence. Even if you don't do that, NEVER look directly into THEIR eyes! I have become more and more convinced that 90% of the attraction women feel when they look at them is due to their smouldering eyes- look away!

And by the way, isn't that another reason to dislike them? It seems more like they are putting a spell on you with their dazzling good looks, rather than that you are falling in love with them. It makes me a little uneasy- and suspicious.


TNS: Do vampire mood swings not appeal to you?

CM: Is this question really necessary? I don't understand who they CAN appeal to. "He's hot then he's cold, he's yes, then he's no. He's in, then he's out, he's up, then he's down. He's wrong when it's right, he's black and it's white..." I want a little predictability!
There's already no trust in the relationship, you never know when he loves you for your soul, or for a snack, he's already potentially putting a spell on you with his fantastic good looks- and you can't even rely on a consistent mood! Come on! Isn't that just the last straw?


TNS: Would you agree with this statement, “Vampires are better than men because they have to exert more self control than men do”? If so why, and if not, why not?

CM: Absolutely not. While I do admire the vampires who follow the no-human diet and struggle so valiantly to preserve our safety (I am very grateful for this, I assure you) , this does not make them better than men. Actually, it seems a little ridiculous- how long are you going to tempt fate? If I had an overwhelming desire to kill YOU, you probably wouldn't want me around very much.

I guess what I'm saying is, they're nice guys and all, and it's certainly noble- but if you really care for them, you'll avoid them to make it easier for them.

© 2008 TNS News Service